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Feb 18, 2016
02/16
by
WYFF
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just one. [ laughter and applause ] campaign rally, that he has never met a human being whose lied as much as ted cruz. then melania said, you tell him handsome. [ light laughter ] donald trump at a campaign rally yesterday, repeatedly referred to dr. ben carson as obama, though to be fair, it's not like he's been responding to ben. [ applause ] come on. come on out. no, no, you gotta come out. ben! [ laughter ] a cellist, you guys have been waiting for a joke about a cellist, right? [ light laughter ] a cellist in oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. thankfully when they pulled him over he didn't resort to violins. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. thank you, thank you. [ light laughter ] a prominent exorcist in west africa has claimed that beautful women are more likely to be possessed by evil spirits. well, he's not completely wrong. [ light laughter ] and finally, the 140th west minster kennel club dog show wrapped up last night, and cj, a german short-haired pointer took home best in show. not, as steve harvey announced, beethoven! [
just one. [ laughter and applause ] campaign rally, that he has never met a human being whose lied as much as ted cruz. then melania said, you tell him handsome. [ light laughter ] donald trump at a campaign rally yesterday, repeatedly referred to dr. ben carson as obama, though to be fair, it's not like he's been responding to ben. [ applause ] come on. come on out. no, no, you gotta come out. ben! [ laughter ] a cellist, you guys have been waiting for a joke about a cellist, right? [ light...
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Feb 26, 2016
02/16
by
WYFF
tv
eye 37
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well, maybe a clue lies in bernie's own choice of automobile. >> what kind of car do you it is one of the smallest chevys that they make. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i mean, it's so small, it's not even a car really. it's more of a scooter with doors. [ laughter ] that's the chevy equality. but the conservative freak-out about bernie's democratic socialism doesn't stop there. it even extends to his appearance. >> as freaky as sanders is on so many levels -- i mean, he's a hardcore socialist, raising taxes to 90%. he's a freak to look at. >> seth: "he's a freak to look at," says the guy who looks like he ate tony danza. [ laughter and applause ] but that wasn't even the silliest reaction to bernie's socialism. there was also bill o'reilly, who knows how to overreact like no one else. >> you know, look, i'm fleeing. if bernie sanders gets elected president, i'm fleeing. i'm going to ireland. >> seth: i hate to break it to the bernie sanders socialist nightmare, you're in for a shock because in ireland, "students pay no tuition at irish colleges and universities." and when hearing that g
well, maybe a clue lies in bernie's own choice of automobile. >> what kind of car do you it is one of the smallest chevys that they make. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i mean, it's so small, it's not even a car really. it's more of a scooter with doors. [ laughter ] that's the chevy equality. but the conservative freak-out about bernie's democratic socialism doesn't stop there. it even extends to his appearance. >> as freaky as sanders is on so many levels -- i mean, he's a...
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Feb 27, 2016
02/16
by
WYFF
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eye 35
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like they just walk -- we just, like, in this zone where we see them for truth or lies. it's weird. >> that's amazing. >> seth: yeah. we just process it at a totally different level. >> just even while you're eating your omelettes in a diner, you think, "i know he's going to shake my hand, but i can make a decision on behalf of the rest of the country here." [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, absolutely. the other thing is that -- which it's so great to be in new hampshire, i lived there. my parents are there. >> seth: it's great to be in new hampshire, not now. >> right. >> seth: not this time of year. >> yeah, sure. >> seth: like, if my parents called and said, "we really need you to come home." i'd be like, "i'll wait. i'll come in march." [ laughter ] i'm not coming. >> yeah. >> seth: it's like slush. it's awful. >> yeah. and also, well it's just now, every four years, you don't want to be filling up your car and have governor kasich say, "hey, nice to meet you, friend." >> seth: yeah. >> "please, please don't let me use my matrix-like vision on you, kasich." >> seth: you n
like they just walk -- we just, like, in this zone where we see them for truth or lies. it's weird. >> that's amazing. >> seth: yeah. we just process it at a totally different level. >> just even while you're eating your omelettes in a diner, you think, "i know he's going to shake my hand, but i can make a decision on behalf of the rest of the country here." [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, absolutely. the other thing is that -- which it's so great to be in new...
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Feb 12, 2016
02/16
by
WTVJ
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eye 37
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already has like five tunnels. [ laughter ] he is known to use tunnels to escape. [ laughter] therein lies the joke. [ laughter ] every now and then, you want to put it in an explainer. a team of physicists today claim that they have -- that they have captured the sound of two black holes colliding one billion light years away. let's take a listen. hello [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: twin sisters in new jersey this week gave birth to baby girls just minutes apart from each other. [ nervous laughter ] "that's weird," said one of their boyfriends. [ laughter ] 50 people have died since 2014 while aempting to take selfies. it's a surprising number that many people are calling too low. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and finally, new photos have revealed thahakim jong-un is a mac user -- oh, sorry, i left out a word. kim jong-un is a big mac user. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we he a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from the new film, "the meddler," academy award winner susan sarandon is in the house tonight. [ cheers and applause ] she's a wonderf
already has like five tunnels. [ laughter ] he is known to use tunnels to escape. [ laughter] therein lies the joke. [ laughter ] every now and then, you want to put it in an explainer. a team of physicists today claim that they have -- that they have captured the sound of two black holes colliding one billion light years away. let's take a listen. hello [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: twin sisters in new jersey this week gave birth to baby girls just minutes apart from each...
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Feb 17, 2016
02/16
by
WTVJ
tv
eye 34
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president bush and his team of purposely lying the country into war in iraq, saying, "i will tell you they lied. ey said there were weapons of mass destruction, there were none. they knew there were none." your response? >> um -- he sounds like a liberal democrat to me, brett. >> seth: finally, someone who's not afraid to snarl back at trump. remember, cheney's always gonna have the upper hand. trump only claims he can shoot someone and get awayith it. cheney did it. [ laughter ] so it will be interesting to see how gop voters respond to this debate over the bush legacy, but trump hasn't only been critical of bush's handling of the iraq war, he also has his own well-thought out plan for out of 'em. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, my god. every plan is terrible. this has been "a closer look." [ applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] life as spokesbox is great. people love me for saving them over half a grand when they switch to progressive. so i'm dabbling in new ventures. it was board-game nigh with the dalai lama. great guy. terrible player. go paperless don't
president bush and his team of purposely lying the country into war in iraq, saying, "i will tell you they lied. ey said there were weapons of mass destruction, there were none. they knew there were none." your response? >> um -- he sounds like a liberal democrat to me, brett. >> seth: finally, someone who's not afraid to snarl back at trump. remember, cheney's always gonna have the upper hand. trump only claims he can shoot someone and get awayith it. cheney did it. [...
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15
Feb 19, 2016
02/16
by
WTVJ
tv
eye 15
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picture everybody was like, "that blurry person in the picture that's john snow. [ laughter ] and i'm li, "it's my dad. he's 63-years-old. [ laughter ] not john snow." >> seth: your dad's never even been close to john snow. >> no. >> seth: you're going to stick around ande're gonna talk some more about "game of thrones." that cool? >> sure. >> seth: all right. carice van houten, everybody. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] we won here. and here. and here. here. and here. uh, here. also in here. back there. behind here. even next to these guys, here. in the nation's largest, independent study, rootmetrics just named verizon number one network for the fifth time in a row, here. so when the other guys claim they're the best, remember: there's only one, number one. and now we'll pay up to $650 to switch to the best network. folks, you can't m me this stuff up. four bandits chose a prius as their getaway car. bravo-niner, in pursuit of a toyota prius. over. how hard is it to catch a prius? over. this thing is actually pretty fast. over. very funny. oh look, a farmer's market. we sh
picture everybody was like, "that blurry person in the picture that's john snow. [ laughter ] and i'm li, "it's my dad. he's 63-years-old. [ laughter ] not john snow." >> seth: your dad's never even been close to john snow. >> no. >> seth: you're going to stick around ande're gonna talk some more about "game of thrones." that cool? >> sure. >> seth: all right. carice van houten, everybody. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] we won...
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47
Feb 27, 2016
02/16
by
WNBC
tv
eye 47
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this is li a [oveeep ] box. [ laughter ] and i left being likf, i love the cat cafe. i feel serenity now. it was so weird. >> seth: so is the idea that you like hold the cats or you just watch the cats like you would -- >> they have like jungle gyms at they can climb and you just t ilow them and like sit. [ laughter ] and ,henathey just walk around. and they all seem to have like some sort of like body problem. >> seth: wait, seriously? it's not even regular cats? >> well i mean not at this one. i otn't know. one had like very short legs, little -- litt nub legs. [ laughter ] but it was nice. >> seth: this does n-t seem like the way i want to drink my coffee. >> i don't know i loved it. >> seth: you loved it. >> i loved it. >> seth: i want to talk about "darby forever" which is fantastic. >> yeah. >> seth: this is a 20 minute short film you did, os rodriguez from "snl" directed it, correct? >>amm-hmm. >> seth: andoiewant to show a clip but explain real quick where this idea came from. >> oh, yes. so, when i was in chicago i used go to the fabric store and i would get
this is li a [oveeep ] box. [ laughter ] and i left being likf, i love the cat cafe. i feel serenity now. it was so weird. >> seth: so is the idea that you like hold the cats or you just watch the cats like you would -- >> they have like jungle gyms at they can climb and you just t ilow them and like sit. [ laughter ] and ,henathey just walk around. and they all seem to have like some sort of like body problem. >> seth: wait, seriously? it's not even regular cats? >>...
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35
Feb 16, 2016
02/16
by
WNBC
tv
eye 35
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just trying to live the american dream, and then you've got to go and schmear his good name on your li le comedy show, callin' him a droopy-eyed, sleep-walking goatee in a suit. >> seth: well, now, i never said that. >> well, if you did, you know what i'd say? i'd say, "leave him alone!" [ light laughter ] >> seth: i'd love to just get back to this comedy segment, if you don't mind. >> well, if you need some comedy, make fun of me! >> seth: oh, no. breakfast, i hide blueberries in my oatmeal and pretend i'm a pirate hunting for treasure! >> seth: not really something i make fun of. >> okay, fwne, go ahead. get back to your ben carson jokes. you know what i say to that? >> seth: i'm guessing, you'd say, "leave him alone." >> leave him alone! if you need some jokes, make fun of me. >> seth: no. >> make fun of the fact that i go to the penguin house at the zoo and tell people that i'm at the bird oscars! [ laughter ] or that my mother used to tell me that when i was growing inside her tummy, she could feel me farting! [ light laughser ] or that when i walk too fast, the back of my testicl
just trying to live the american dream, and then you've got to go and schmear his good name on your li le comedy show, callin' him a droopy-eyed, sleep-walking goatee in a suit. >> seth: well, now, i never said that. >> well, if you did, you know what i'd say? i'd say, "leave him alone!" [ light laughter ] >> seth: i'd love to just get back to this comedy segment, if you don't mind. >> well, if you need some comedy, make fun of me! >> seth: oh, no....
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69
Feb 10, 2016
02/16
by
WKYC
tv
eye 69
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great. >> seth, you're a li's okay. >> seth: a little slower, yeah. >> you gotta do a second patty. >> aidy: ooh. >> throw that in there. >> seth: this is a nice, thin patty. >> ikay. >> you know why? because it's going to cook super fast. >> seth: okay, great. >> okay, and it's going to get really some great caramelization. so, i'm going to give it a little season. >> seth: okay.g that, do you want to cut your bun? >> seth: yeah, please, i would love to. >> you just cut it nice and even. >> seth: okay, great. >> you can cut your bun too. >> aidy: okay. >> so, lovely special secret sauce. just watch it. >> seth: okay, can you tell us what's in it, or is that a secret? >> no, it's a secret. it's a secret. it's a secret. made in the restaurant. this is our little -- >> seth: homemade cheese? >> homemade cheese. >> seth: okay. >> you want a taste? >> seth: i would love a taste. >> great. do you want a taste of cheese? >> aidy: yes, i do.ly good cheese. >> who doesn't like cheese, you know? >> seth: oh, i love it. this is really good. >> nice and acidic. gonna wait until we get a little c
great. >> seth, you're a li's okay. >> seth: a little slower, yeah. >> you gotta do a second patty. >> aidy: ooh. >> throw that in there. >> seth: this is a nice, thin patty. >> ikay. >> you know why? because it's going to cook super fast. >> seth: okay, great. >> okay, and it's going to get really some great caramelization. so, i'm going to give it a little season. >> seth: okay.g that, do you want to cut your bun? >>...